I Am a Feminist!

Feminism is often misunderstood and joked about, especially by men on social media. Whenever the word feminism comes up, people think of it as a joke or a meme. Even educated minds have no idea what feminism actually stands for. The true meaning of feminism is simple: equality — equal rights, equal respect, and equal opportunities for all genders.

Since ancient times, women have been marginalized in Nepal and all over the world. Patriarchal mindsets, deeply rooted in society, view women as weaker and men as superior. While gender discrimination is slowly changing throughout the world, in developing countries like Nepal, the improvement has been painfully slow. Men and women are not treated equally, and women still face countless issues and discrimination to this day.

What I've Witnessed Growing Up

Ever since I was a child, I have seen this gender discrimination in many ways and forms. Even in my family and society, women constantly face issues just because they are women. In most Nepalese families, women are associated with cooking, kitchen work, and cleaning. Cooking is an important human skill that everyone should know, but in Nepalese society, men often don't involve themselves in these tasks because they believe it's a "woman's job."

This is unfortunately just the tip of the iceberg. Women have constantly been victims of the dowry system, violence, rape, and harassment. However, in this blog, I want to talk about the subtle and not-so-obvious ways women have been treated unequally by society, even by so-called "educated minds."

I'm not a psychology student and this is just my personal opinion, but I think we men, deep down consciously or unconsciously, don't like seeing women being completely free — free from men's control. I know that's a controversial take, but think about it. Ever since ancient times, patriarchy has deeply buried its roots in our minds and behavior. In one way or another, women have been under men's control, and we liked it. They didn't have complete freedom to work, roam freely, or do whatever they wanted with their lives.

The Reality of Violence Against Women

In just one fiscal year (2078/79), police registered 2,380 rape cases, with Madhesh Province reporting the highest number at 512 cases. Domestic violence cases reached 17,000, representing 78.82% of all gender-based violence crimes.

Types of Sexual Violence Cases Registered (FY 2078/79)

Source: Nepal Police Crime Statistics FY 2078/79

And these are just the reported cases. In a country like Nepal, there are countless times when girls can't even talk to their parents or elders due to lack of sex education or hesitance. Some families don't even register cases, thinking this will lower their prestige or that nobody will marry a girl who was raped.

In Nepal, whenever a case is registered involving a minor, people start shaming the minor. They have no idea that in cases involving minors, consent is not valid. This law was created to protect young girls from being groomed by adults, and this law exists in every country. However, people in Nepal start shaming girls and blaming them. This was clearly seen in the cases of Paul Shah and Sandeep Lamichhane. People were protesting in favor of Paul Shah instead of letting the court and police do their job.

Even when an adult registers a case of rape or harassment, people start shaming women. Everyone is a judge here. The moment a woman speaks up about being raped or harassed, society immediately questions her character, her clothing, her behavior, even her age. You'll hear disgusting comments like "she asked for it," "look at how she was dressed," "she was out late at night, what did she expect?" or "women of this age aren't good anyway." Instead of supporting the victim and punishing the perpetrator, we somehow manage to make the victim feel guilty for what happened to her. It's as if being raped or harassed is her fault, not the criminal's. This victim-blaming mentality is exactly why so many women choose to stay silent rather than seek justice.

The Digital Age Double Standards

This discrimination has found new forms on social media platforms like TikTok and Facebook. Have you seen the comments on videos where women or girls twerk, wear short dresses, drink beer, smoke cigarettes, or just dance freely? Women in these videos are often labeled with degrading slurs showing how quick society is to shame women for doing things that are widely accepted when done by men. Many female models are called "sarir dekhayera paisa kamaune" (making money by showing their body) and sometimes even called prostitutes. These reactions clearly highlight that men still don't like the idea of women having complete freedom. They still want women to live by their definition of "right or wrong."

Harassment Statistics Across Different Spaces

Sources: Multiple research studies on harassment in Kathmandu Valley

The harassment extends beyond online spaces. Research shows that 97% of women encounter sexual harassment during daily commutes in Kathmandu. In schools, 76% of female students in Kathmandu faced some form of sexual harassment. Even online, 66.5% of young women students in Kathmandu experienced online sexual harassment, with women comprising 50.98% of the 4,686 cyber crime victims registered in one fiscal year alone.

The Deeper Issues We Don't Talk About

It's really sad to see the society we have created for women. The double standards that exist are crazy. Society's obsession with virginity is another example of injustice, linking women's sexual history with their character while men face no such scrutiny.

Even in modern times, women still have to suffer so much because of patriarchy. They don't get equal opportunities or equal salaries just because of their gender. Some "sasu" (mothers-in-law) or husbands want their daughters-in-law or wives to just stay home and do household chores, which is one reason why many girls want to leave this country and be independent. I would honestly do the same.

Why This Matters

The simple rule of biology and evolution is that plants and animals continuously evolve over time, physically and mentally. This applies to cultures, human behaviors, and society as well. Every bad practice, belief, and culture will eventually become extinct like dinosaurs, making society better — what I like to call "Social Evolution." That's why racism, Nepal's "sati pratha," and various forms of discrimination throughout the world have been abolished. This is why misogyny and women's discrimination are also slowly disappearing throughout the world, and it has significantly decreased in Nepal too. However, some men in Nepal and some older women are not particularly fond of this change.

I may not be a sociologist or a psychologist. I'm just a regular person who has seen injustices and chooses to speak up. When I say "we men" or "men like us" in this blog, it's simply because I am a man by gender — I do not support such misogyny and patriarchy.

The change is happening, but it needs to happen faster. And it starts with each of us examining our own biases and standing up for equality, not just in words, but in our actions every single day.